yay i'm a grown up!

so i spent all semester researching this...



then i spent all day presenting it for my entire department!

...and i got an A+

in theory, this is a major part of me now.

Jackie will demonstrate knowledge of the major concepts, theoretical perspectives, empirical findings, and historical trends in psychology. She understands and can apply basic research methods in psychology, including research design, data analysis, and interpretation. She respects and uses critical and creative thinking. She'll employ the scientific approach to solve problems related to behavior and mental processes, and can analyze and think integratively from a Christian worldview. Jackie can understand and apply psychological principles to personal, spiritual, social, and organizational issues. Also, she is able to weigh evidence, tolerate ambiguity, and act ethically using values that underlie psychology and a Christian worldview. She will demonstrate information competence and the ability to use computers and other technology. She is great at and is able to communicate effectively in a variety of verbal and written formats. Jackie recognizes, understands, and respects sociocultural and international diversity in a manner that prepares her to serve human needs. She developed insight into the functioning of her whole being (e.g., physical, mental, spiritual, and social) and applied effective strategies for self-management and self-improvement. Jackie will emerge from her major with realistic ideas about how to implement her psychological knowledge, skills, and values in occupational pursuits in a variety of settings, and begin to determine her vocational path.

I've been calling and calling for you, but you answer and I shut my mouth.
I've been searching and and searching for you, but myself I don't want to be found.

You say "I am", You say "let go", You say "believe" but it's not that easy for me.
You say "wait", You say "right now", "don't you see your already one foot at the ground", You say.

I've been wicked and wild and wrong and I've wondered the price of my shame.
I've been hiding my face for so long it's a wonder that You know my name.

You say "come home", You say "I'm here", You say "there's some things you just can't control."
You say "let me", You say "Believe, why do you search for the answers you already know?"

You say, "I am the way,and the light and the truth. Don't be mislead by the flight of your youth.
Have faith in the things you can't see to believe. What if you had faith in me?"

You say "rest here, this is your home.Don't you see that you knew I was here all along?"
You see

classic.

one of my favorite chirstmas songs and one of my favorite christmas cartoons!

for fear of sounding cocky.

so i've debated about making this a post for fear of sounding cocky, but either way here it is... i was pretty much awesome the past 48 hours, which is a big deal because it is the last week of classes and it is sometimes hard to be awesome when you need to be the most... anyways it all started yesterday at 9:00 a.m.

a) i had my senior seminar poster presentation

1. i had to dress up (and i looked smokin')
2. i had to make an APA formal poster presentation to the whole psychology department where i present my senior thesis and they can question me on anything that they want (similar to a doctoral paper defense but not nearly as scary)
3. i had to stand in the campus center and do this for two solid hours
4. i owned it! the chair of the psychology department loved my topic and my proposal for research and we are going to run in next semester.
5. he also loved the aesthetic part of my poster as well.

b) little shit is not going to pass fyi

1. i met with my boss and she told me that i did everything perfectly.
2. she said that little shit should not, would not pass fyi.
3. i have to turn in a detailed report as to how he did not pass

c) i have an awesome internship next semester

1. after my poster session i ran into dr. stegen who told me that he had an internship that he thought i would be perfect for.
2. it is in downtown buffalo with hope refugee services.
3. they will provide me with an apartment in downtown buffalo for no additional cost and cover the cost of gas
4. hope refugee services
5. he (dr. stegen) brags about me to others...

i. Chuck, Good news! I have just talked with a prospective intern for Hope. Jacquelyn (Jackie) Shaw

is a senior Psychology and Intercultural major who is interested in obtaining 6 hours of practicum credit.

She already has classes here on Tuesday and Thursday, so she would be able to work on Monday and

Fridays. Although she has a car and housing in the flats down here I told her to consider staying up there

on weekends at times. I told her we could probably make the same sort of housing arrangements for her

as we did for Daniel Fukumoto. She is excellent interpersonally. This year she was the FYI leader

who I worked with as Mentor, and she developed a great rapport with the students. Also, she had

the school practicum at Fillmore Central School that Daniel will be in this Spring. She knows Daniel and

has heard how much he learned and enjoyed the Hope experience. Pass this on to Bonnie and have her

email me. I am crafting email to all Psych. and Soc. students to see if we can interest anyone else. - Rich

d) i had a great night of sleep

1. i slept for 8 hours, IN MY BED

e) i got complemented by a five year old

1. "miss. jackie, i have a question!"
2. "yes sarah, what is your questions?"
3. "you're really beautiful"

f) i helped a disadvantaged child learn to read and built her self-confidence

1. katlyn is a first grader who should be a second grader who has a very, very hard time with reading comprehension.
2. she also struggles with the confidence to read out loud
3. i have been working one on one with her all semester
4. today she commented on her progress and how she could remember more and more of the story.
5. i showed her first story recall and then compared it to the last we one did today (which was a massive improvement)
6. "miss. jackie, i'm a better reader because you've helped me so much"
7. she also didn't want to stop reading today

g) my supervisor loved me

1. she was very sad that today was my last day at school
2. she was very, very pleased with my work
3. she offered to write a glowing letter of recommendation for grad school/job

h) my social psychology prof praised me

1. "jackie, you're really coming into your own identity as a psychologist. you should go to grad school because it's very exciting to see where you're going to go. where ever it is, you will succeed"

i) i made awesome chicken for dinner.

1. lemon-italian herb-parmesan chicken

j) i was an awesome friend to a friend who needed someone to listen

things i may or may not have done.

63!

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyworld
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you're not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo's David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone's life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Seen Mount Rushmore in person
101. Learned to play an instrument

the little shit that could.

i work with freshman; it is one of the 3 jobs-18 credits-7 credits of incompletes-internship-social life things that i manage. i am an fyi leader which means they pay us the equivalent of slave labor to baby-sit the freshman class for the first week they are here and every tuesday and thursday from 11-11:45. We are to "teach" them time management (which is pretty funny because most of us can't do that ourselves), the importance of a good relationship with profs, take them on a baby service day ect.

Now, before i continue i think that i should take the time to say i really do like freshmen. it's bitter sweet to watch them arrive and say goodbye to their parentals, to take them and watch them as they form social groups, be supportive when they feel they cannot make it through college, help them find good on-campus jobs…ect. needless to say, at the end of the day it makes one feel pretty good about ones self. i have always been a supporter of the fyi program, why it was even in this very program that i met my first college best stephaine, and then became closer with my second college best emma. however, when i came to school this year with excited hopes for teaching and leading and friendship building i had no idea that i was about to meet....the little shit that could.

fyi is not hard. it is a one credit pass-fail class. this is what is required of you to pass. come to 2/3 of the lectures prepared. come to the big group lecture and sit in your assigned seat. show up and participate in service day. if you cannot, for any reason, participate in service day you must write a two page paper and hand it in on time. you must write a 500 word essay on something you believe and turn it in by the end of fyi, you may submit this by e-mail. that’s it. now keep in mind Houghton College catalogue states that in-order to graduate one must “…complete at least one major. Candidates for BA or BS degree must complete 124 semester hours plus one hour of First-Year Introductions (FYI) required of all-first year students” (emphasis added). so even if one does not like FYI, just go and do it. it is only 40 minutes,it's requried for graduation, it is not hard, fyi leaders are very nice (and pretty). they most likely bring homemade baked goodies (or at least little shit’s did)... alas this was all too hard for little shit. but little shit was smart. he read the syllabus. where it states that one must only obtain 65% of the points available in order to pass. so little shit decided not to come to fyi.

at first he wasn’t as b.a. as he thought. so he would go to other people’s fyi group. to this my collogues would say “little shit, why are you here? this is not your group. you must go find jackie.” to this little shit would reply “but i don’t know where she is.” so i would send e-mails that told little shit how to find us, as it too, was not a hard thing to do. classes would come and go but little shit was no where to be found. i would see him on campus and say “little shit, why weren’t you in class today? did you not remember where the room was? did you not know that it was tuesday/thursday?” to this little shit would respond “oh man…i’m sorry. i did forget all about it. i wondered why i couldn’t get a hold of any of my friends.” or he would say “i was having a really bad day and couldn’t come”…or “i just don’t understand fyi and why it’s needed"…"i only need to do 65% for an a, so that’s what i’m going to do” (i could even understand this one as i warned my boss freshman would do). to all of these excuses i said “little shit, let’s have lunch and talk about this attitude you have”. little shit stood me up for lunch that day. that day, i went into the cafeteria and found him and said in my grown-up baby-sitter voice “little shit, you had plans to eat with me. it rude to stand someone up for a meal. now i am sorry, but we need to talk about you and fyi. i will be sitting at that table. when you are done with your conversation i expect that you will be honest to your word and come and join me!” and he did.

now little shit is a very good story teller and he is well versed in the tricks of houghton for someone so new. he told me many tales of “adjustment” and how “jesus gave him an epiphany” and how “he wasn’t coming back to houghton so he didn’t need fyi” and how “he will do better and be there next week.” what little shit did not know, is that i was smart. i knew the tricks and the speeches, i had made them myself. so i chose my words carefully and said “little shit, i understand. college is hard and starting is a lot at once. however, your attitude is not acceptable and it needs to change. your profs can see it, i can see it and your peers can see it. what is done is done and i cannot undo that. as you have pointed out you can still pass fyi. be careful only doing 65% because if you miscalculate i will not find extra points to make it up for you. come to service day or write the paper, that will help and start coming and participating in lectures.”…the next day little shit did not come to lecture.

little shit did not show for another week. when he came the other students actually clapped. he sat in the back, one row further than i asked him too, he spoke but only about pulp fiction, and he said he would come to service day, which he did not do. he then didn't turn in the service day paper. he did not, could not sit in his assigned seat (and i was nice and gave him full credit anyways, because i'm not that mean).. and he would go to the house of my second best college friend emma (she lives with lots of people and he was visiting someone else) and would talk crap about moi!

i have now had enough of little shit. finally the day came where grades were do. little shit earned 58% of the points needed. little shit did not pass fyi. little shit tried to e-mail me a one page paper about service a month late. i told him i could not accept this and that i could not give extra points for credit not earned. little shit asked in front of all his friends if he passed and i told him he did not. little shit got mad and wrote an email....

"Hello,
I am writing because I have heard from Jackie that as it stands right now I am not going to pass FYI. I know I started off the semester not very put together and as a consequence of that my attendance and her opinion of me has suffered.
At one point when I realized I needed to make changes and get my act together I asked Jackie if I could still pass the class if I attended all the classes and wrote the final paper and she said yes but that I had many strikes against me and she wasn't at all impressed with me.
After that I shaped up but missed one class after which I emailed Jackie, apologized, and wrote my service day paper in hopes that I could get half credit or something that could make up for that absence. She replied saying that she couldn't take it as it was too late and couldn't be counted for an attendance which I understand.
If there is anything I can do now to make up for my absence please let me know, I would be willing to write a paper highlighting things I have learned in FYI and how I have applied them to my education here or any other topic you wish.
I know that I have made mistakes in this class but I have been active in the discussions and have sought to learn and have, especially in the lectures that Prof. Stegan has attended and spoke at.
I have attached my service day paper and This I Believe paper in case you wanted to look at it, thank you very much for your time.
-little shit"

now this have been a very long blog but it is needed because i now have to give little shit more of my time that i do not have (and blogging this has been my study break/stress-reliever). i have to meet and discuss all of this again with my boss. i do not have an extra minute/hour/day to give to him. i do not think he should pass. i do not believe that he has learned. i do not believe that he is sorry. i gave him many an chance. he lied. i do not think it would be grace to let him pass fyi and i do not think it is fair to the other fyi-ers who have worked hard.

it's the most wonderful time of the year...

so what do you do when you spend hours applying to places like this, this, and this and then something like this gets a hold of you and says "hey, when are you done with school this semester? Wanna get together over your chirstmas break?"