isn't that just lovely?

this morning i awoke to this e-mail...

Jackie,
I need to talk with you about an FYI situation. Do you have a few minutes today, tomorrow, or Friday, in which we could meet?
Thanks, Jackie. I hope you’re having a good semester!
-Nancy

my first thought was "crap, what did i do!" i realize that there is no mention about her being displeased with me, that i did something wrong or that it was even a bad "situation" to start with but that response says a lot about who i am. "we need to talk" is one of the meanest things you can say to me. "i need to talk to you" i almost just as bad. i will panic, i will think back over everything that has happened within the past year to figure out what horrible and terrible thing i have done that has taken you to such drastic proportions as to say "we need to talk". most times i will also never tell you that i did this prior to our engagement.

am i paranoid? yes. weird? you bet. but we all have our quirks, so i hope you'll love me just the same.

anyways i e-mailed nancy back and set up an appointment for 2:30 and began the thinking/panic process... i couldn't find anything. nancy always praised me for my wonderful work and dedication as a fyi leader and the program ended over three months ago.

2:30 came and i went to her office and our conversation went a little like this...

nancy: "i needed to apologize to you in person"

jackie: what is she talking about... "okay."

nancy: "the other day i was on the phone with little shit's mom, his older sister is roommates with my daughter and we were talking about housing payments for next school year"

jackie: oh great, we're talking about "it" again..."oh, okay..."

nancy: "anyways, as we were talking she said 'thank you for everything you did so that my son, little shit, could pass fyi. did you know that he didn't even pass college study methods?"

jackie: pass fyi? of course nancy corrected her, told her that he did not pass because he did not come...couldn't pass college study methods? shocker!

nancy:"...so i couldn't correct her on the phone. but i called academic records and they said that i did submit a passing grade for little shit. i am not going to correct it now, but i just wanted to say that i was sorry in person. i know you must be upset about this."

jackie: so let me get this right, you didn't correct momma shit? you made the mistake and you're not going to fix it, right...you hope i'm not upset? upset? that doesn't even begin to describe it! this kid drove me crazy all semester. he was rude and late all the time, and that's when he bothered to come at all! he did not participate, he did not do what was required and he did not pass and now he gets away with it all because you made a mistake and pressed 'p' instead of 'f' on a keyboard!? no, i'm not at all upset about this..."well nancy, whatever you feel is the appropreate action in this situation..."

nancy: "jackie, i'm sorry. you know next year fyi won't even count for credit anymore."

jackie:"well, isn't that fortunate for him"

a way, way over do meme

a long time ago i was tagged in my first meme ever by my wonderful cousin from the daniels 5. however, i did not do it. before the gnashing of teeth and gasps and tears start, i can defend myself. i was tagged over chirstmas break and for many reasons my family lacks the internet at my house (along with a home phone line, cable/satellite and other things that i'm very happy we do not have). anyways here's the deal, this meme was supposed to be an instant snapshot of you, just as you are when you discovered that you've been tagged. needless to say i did not have a camera to capture the wonderful joy on my face of being tagged right at that very moment. i got the impression that one was supposed to be looking "au natural" in this said picture so i thought that i should keep it that way when i posted it. further, i never really thought about it once i was back at school until i was all done up again...so here is my compromise. to complete my overdue meme, i will share a picture from christmas morning (as it was of me looking ever so "au natural" at 7 in the morning and still over christmas break AND there was joy on my face that day as well).


without further to adu, my meme.

here i am all nice and happy on christmas day. this was not the only picture taken of me that morning. one of the reasons that i was so chipper (candy, presents, family, christmas breakfast, general merriment aside) was because of this.



yes. that is a twenty-something year old girl, napping with her teddy bear on christmas day.

So the rules:

Take a picture of yourself.. right.. NOW!
Do NOT change your clothes. Do NOT fix your hair.. Just take a picture.
(It's like come as you are day, back in high school.. remember?)
Post that picture with NO editing.
Post these instructions with your picture.
Tag 3 people to play along.

The tags:

The Mister
The Missus

what's in a name?

i've had a lot of names placed on me this past week. bitter. heartless. over analytical. hardened. just naming a few. a lot of these terms have come from various members of my family and they will tell you (i'm assuming) that this "new" outlook on life has developed as a result of my ending of my last romantic relationship, six months ago.

however this is not true. i say that your bitterness is my safety. your heartless is my realist. your over analytical is my thoughtfulness. your hardened is my wiser. and this is in no way a "new" outlook, if anything it is an old outlook. one that i'm dragging out of the closet (like neon colors from the 80's/90's) and re-wearing because they just fit better.

i realize that i cannot please everyone, there will always be labels on me that are not flattering or pleasant, but what is it that makes me deserving of names? i was a little shocked to hear them, especially coming out in such abundance. i am not like shakespeare's katherine, in taming of the shrew; a women who is "sharp-tongued, quick-tempered, and prone to violence, practically against anyone who tries to marry her." nor am i like meyer's bella, twlight's poor excuse for a heroin, a girl who is catatonic and practically dead because she cannot have her edward.

i am happy with the way things are. i do not need a relationship to confirm things about me. i do not need to have someone else to think about just so that i'll stop thinking of him. i'm doing alright and while i understand that these words may just be concern, do not be worried for me. there are big things in store and it will all come together in good time. until then, maybe we can keep the negative words to a minimum and maybe only use them in times of necessity?

you and i

someday i will sing and dance to this song in the kitchen while i make some dinner for some husband of mine and maybe a child or two or three; and that day, that very day when the house is a mess and i have lots of bills and life is hard...i will be very happy.

a good hard day.

i have lots of catching up to do bloggin wise but i thought i'd start with this tag i got from the dayton time.

the rulers:
1. go to your documents
2. go to your 6th file.
3. go to your 6th picture.
4. blog about it.
5. tag 6 friends to do the same.

this picture was taken this summer while i was in budapest. the river in this picture is the danube. this was a beautiful day that i will always remember. that day we went to the house of terror, a monument that is created in memory of all of the citizens of the city who died during the second world war and then in the soviet occupation. after the visit there we went to see the shoes on the danube monument. it was a very moving and a very difficult day for me. since i was a small child i have had a fear of the Nazi’s returning and have always struggled with a somewhat irrational fear of them returning to power overnight. i can remember living in the farm house when i was five years old (or so) laying in bed, and being able to hear my pulse in my ear and thinking that the sound i was hearing was the Nazi’s marching down the streets. i remember laying awake at night and thinking where i would hide my family in the event that they came back. in high school this fear was increased by being almost forced to watch schindler's list.

the day that we went to the house of terror i begged my professor to not make me go in; but he said that it is something that should at least experience as it was different than the holocaust museum in the states because it was on their soil. i cried the whole tour.

the amount of evil and hatred that was demonstrated during those years is something that i will never be able to understand. i will not be able to understand how it was tolerated for so long, allowed to escalade to the extent that i was and how it has happened again and again.

the day that i went to the danube was an experience that i will never forget, it is something that i am grateful that i experienced, it is something that i will never need to experience again.

since i do not have six people to tag i will tag those i know

the daniels 5

the mister

yay i'm a grown up!

so i spent all semester researching this...



then i spent all day presenting it for my entire department!

...and i got an A+

in theory, this is a major part of me now.

Jackie will demonstrate knowledge of the major concepts, theoretical perspectives, empirical findings, and historical trends in psychology. She understands and can apply basic research methods in psychology, including research design, data analysis, and interpretation. She respects and uses critical and creative thinking. She'll employ the scientific approach to solve problems related to behavior and mental processes, and can analyze and think integratively from a Christian worldview. Jackie can understand and apply psychological principles to personal, spiritual, social, and organizational issues. Also, she is able to weigh evidence, tolerate ambiguity, and act ethically using values that underlie psychology and a Christian worldview. She will demonstrate information competence and the ability to use computers and other technology. She is great at and is able to communicate effectively in a variety of verbal and written formats. Jackie recognizes, understands, and respects sociocultural and international diversity in a manner that prepares her to serve human needs. She developed insight into the functioning of her whole being (e.g., physical, mental, spiritual, and social) and applied effective strategies for self-management and self-improvement. Jackie will emerge from her major with realistic ideas about how to implement her psychological knowledge, skills, and values in occupational pursuits in a variety of settings, and begin to determine her vocational path.